January 2010
10 posts
40 days
it has been 40 days since my daddy left me. I am going to mass today to pray for his soul and his happiness. It hasn’t gotten any easier for me. I go through my days pretending that he’s still here and just in the Philippines still. It’s too hard for me to sit and say to myself “My daddy is gone. I will never see him again. I will never hug him again. I will never...
i hate dreaming
i hate night time. it’s the worst part of my day cuz i’m not busy and my mind wanders. and then i always have nightmares… last night’s was the worst by far…
in my dream i received a couple voicemails from my dad. and he was saying things like “babe, i’ve been calling you and you’re not picking up your phone. Where are you?” and “How...
ahhhh
i need a job. i hope i get the one i interviewed for today. if not, i hope i get the one i interview for tomorrow. if not, i hope i can still get the one i interviewed for last week. i need a job. being broke is so not fun at all. praying for the right job to follow through. praying for strength as i start to balance work and school. and as always, praying for my daddy.
SCHOOL STARTS...
alone
first weekend in nyc. and i did absolutely nothing. i am so lonely. at home life was easy. i had friends and something to do. here, it’s just me. and being alone stinks. cuz that’s why i think. and when i think is when i hurt. i need friends.
one sweet day...
Today has started out as one of the hard days. I had nightmares about pirates. Our ship was overtaken by pirates and we had to try and escape them. As we swam for our lives in the water, I could feel them grabbing at me. I forced myself to wake up and realized I only had a few hours of sleep. I couldn’t go back to sleep. While looking through my phone, I found three of my daddy’s...
signs...
because I don’t want to forget, I think my daddy is sending me signs he’s still around…
- On my last day in the Philippines I visited his burial site and begged him to let me know he was OK before I left… there were two teenagers visiting their friend and playing music… then the next song played was “Dance With My Father”… Daddy and I danced to that...
picking up the pieces...
Though life has not been the easiest for me lately, I know that it’s necessary to start rebuilding what has broken, healing what is hurting and moving forward in a direction that can only bring positive outcomes. When you hit the bottom, when it feels as though you are trapped in a corner, you need to remember that it can only go up from here. After the darkest days comes the light and...
broken.
i am back in nyc.
my daddy is gone. and my heart is broken. the most important man in my life has left me for a better place. i hope and pray that he has found his peace. i love and miss him so much it hurts. it’s hard to sleep and it hurts when i breathe. i can literally feel my heart aching. if i pretend that this past month wasn’t real… it’s my only chance of saving...